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Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time

Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time - Keith Ferrazzi Ferrazzi climbed up from working class roots to an elite education and high level business positions through the power of connections. Sure, some of his style is a turnoff, but there was good stuff as well. I heard about this book a year or so ago, but was motivated to read it now as I begin a new job in a large company in a different environment than I have been working in for the last 10 years. Pages that I turned the corner on:-- Follow-up is the key to success in any field. Making sure a new acquaintance retains your name (and the favorable impression you've created) is a process you should set in motion right after you have met someone. Give yourself between 12-24 hours after you meet someone to follow up. ...Cite something particular we talked about in the course of our conversation -- whether a shared hobby or business interest -- that serves as a mental reminder of who I am. When I leave the mtg, I put the name and email addressed of the new acquaintance in my database and program in my PDA / Blackbery to remind me in a month's time to drop the person another email, just to keep in touch. ....And remember -- and this is critical-- don't remind them of what they can do for you, but focus on what you might be able to do for them. It's about giving them a reason to want to follow up. ... clip articles and send it to them. Consider handwritten notes. Express gratitude. Include an item of interest from your mtg -- a shared interest or moment of humor. Reaffirm whatever commitments you both made -- going both ways. Be brief and to the point. Always address the thank-you note to the person by name. Use email and snail mail. The combination adds a personalized touch. Timeliness is key. Send them as soon as possible after the meeting or interview. Don't wait until the holidays -- your followups will be timelier, more appropriate and certainly better remembered. Don't forget to follow up with those who have acted as the go-between for you and someone else. Let the original referrer know how the conversation went, and express your appreciation for their help. Make follow-up a habit. Make it automatic. When you do, the days of struggling to remember people's names -- and of other people struggling to remember yours -- will be a thing of the past. p. 106-9Be a conference commando chapter. He argues that conferences are not boondoogles, but you have to work them. "But there may be no better place to extend your professional network, and on occasion, get deals done." Help the organizer; better yet, be the organizer. Listen. Better yet, speak. Organize a conference (or informal get-together rather than an awards dinner event) within a conference. Master the deep bump. "Deep bumps are an effort to quickly make contact, establish enough of a connection to secure the next meeting, and move on. In 2 minutes, you need to look deeply into the other person's eyes and heart, listen intently, ask questions that go beyond just business, and reveal a little about yourself in a way that introduces some vulnerability into the interaction. All these things come together to create a genuine connection. Bill Clinton is the master of the deep bump. Know your targets (that you want to make a connection with). Connecting with connectors. "Mom was wrong -- it does pay to talk to strangers. As Malcolm Gladwell wrote, "Acquaintances, in short, represent a source of social power, and the more acquaintances you have, the more powerful you are." Categories of super-connectors: Restaurateurs, headhunters, lobbyists, fundraisers, public relations people, politicians, journalists. The art of small talk. Ferrazzi argues that sticking to safe topics will not allow you to make connections or be remembered. "The real winners -- those with astounding careers, warm relationships, and unstoppable charisma -- are those people who put it all out there and don't waste a bunch of time and energy trying to be something (or someone) they're not. Charm is simply a matter of being yourself. Your uniqueness is your power. The best way to become good at small talk is not to talk small at all. That's the art; here is some of the science: Learn the power of nonverbal cues. Smile. Maintain a good balance of eye contact. Unfold your arms and relax. Nod your head and lean in, but without invading the other person's space. Learn to touch people -- handshakes, touching the elbow. Be sincere. Develop conversational currency: be prepared to have something to say. Keep up with current events. Cultivate some niche interest. Adjust your Johari Window (a model by 2 American psychologists that provides insight into how much people reveal of themselves. Successful communication depends, according to the model, on the degree to which we can align ourselves and our windows to match those we interact with. Every person's Johari Window can be more or less open depending on the circumstances. And different profession attract people whose windows share similar tendencies. Make a graceful exit. State that you would like to continue the acquaintance. Learn to listen -- demonstrate active listening. Pinging chapter. People you're contacting to create a new relationship need to see or hear your name in at least 3 modes of communication before there is a substantive recognition. Once you have gained some early recognition, you need to nurture a developing relationship with a phone call or email at least once a month. In you want to transform a contact into a friend, you need a minimum of 2 face-to-face meetings out of the office. Maintaining a secondary relationship requires 2-3 pings a year. Develop a database of contacts and track and schedule contacts with these people throughout the year. Ping people on their birthdays. Be interesting. A unique point of view is one of the only ways to ensure that today, tomorrow and a year from now you'll have a job. Forget your job title and forget your job description (for the moment at least). Starting today, you've got to figure out what exceptional expertise you're going to master that will provide real value to your network and your company. 10 tips: 1) Get out in front and analyze the trends and opportunities on the cutting edge. 2) Ask seemingly stupid questions. 3) Know yourself and your talents. 4) Always learn. 5) Stay healthy. 6) Expose yourself to unusual experiences. 7) Don't get discouraged. 8) Know the new technology. 9) Develop a niche. 10) Follow the money. Creativity is worthless if it can't be applied. The bottom line for your content has to be: This will make us more money. The lifeblood of any company is sales and cash flow. All great ideas are meaningless in business until someone pays for it. Forget bullet points and slide shows. When you've figured out what your content is, tell an inspiring story that will propel your friends and associates into action with spirit and fearlessness, motivated and mobilized by your simple but profound storytelling. More people, more balance. You can't feel in love with your life if you hate your work; and, more times than not, people don't love their work because they work with people they don't like. Connecting with others doubles and triples your opportunities to meet with people that can lead to a new and exciting job. I think the problem in today's world isn't that we have too many people in our lives, it's that we don't have enough. Cites Refrigerator Rights: Creating Connections and Restoring Relationships. How many people can walk into our homes and just open up the fridge and help themselves? Not many. People need "refrigerator rights relationships," the kind that are comfortable, informal, and intimate enough to let us walk into one another's kitchens and rummage through the refrigerator without asking. It is close relationships like these that keep us well-adjusted, happy and successful.